How Dale Carnegie helped me to Maintain My Inner Peace
I just recently finished reading Dale Carnegie's book "How to Win Friends and Influence People". This book really gives applicable tips that work! This tiny book revolutionized my way of thinking so much that I carry it around with me for quick reference.
Prior to reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People" I use to get bent out of shape when someone did not agree with my thought process. I am a pretty open minded person and believe me when I say that I do not believe that my way is the only way . I am not the type of person who has to always be right, however, based on my experiences and the familiarity of certain situations and circumstances I can say with conviction that sometimes "My way may be the wiser way".
How to Stay Calm When You are Talking With Someone Who You Disagree With
I often lose my inner peace when I am around people who are disagreeable with my course of thoughts especially when "I know that I know". If I am talking with someone and they agree with my thought process or if I agree with theirs then it is easy for me to be at a state of calmness and and peace.
Now, the opposite occurs, when I am conversing with someone and their beliefs are different from mine. If they do not agree with my thought process then my state of calmness has been moved to a state of unrest, anger and frustration.
When I am conversing with someone and we disagree, my normal course of action is to get them to see things my way. My reasoning is..."If I can convince the person to convert to my way of thinking or just to agree upon my way of thinking, then I will return back to a state of Inner Peace."
If I am unsuccessful at winning a person over to my way of thinking then I get so upset that my head starts to hurt. I usually leave away from the person who I was conversing with vowing not to communicate with them again.
How To Get Along With Others
Types of Positive Relationships
The world is made up of relationships and unless you want to live your life as a hermit you are going to have to learn how to get along with other people. When you were born you developed a relationship with your care giver and family members, as you grew you developed a relationship with your friends, teachers, classmates, team mates. When you matured you developed a relationship with your significant other, coworkers. The point that I am making is you are constantly developing relationships with people.
The world is made up of people who are a different race, ethnicity, philosophies, theologies and world views. You may meet people who are from a different state or even a different country. You can not expect for everybody who you come in contact with to see things your way. If you are rigid in your thinking it may be very difficult for you to develop positive relationships.
How Get Along With People
You can get along with other people by:
- Not Judging
- Giving Compliments
- Being Kind
- Be Open Minded
- Being acceptable of different views
Listening: A Key Factor To Building Positive Relationships
One of the best ways that you are going to be able to remain positive and keep you Inner Peace when you are building a relationship with someone is by listening without judging. I have found that most people love to talk about themselves, their adventures, their relationships, their work, their children etc.
When a person is talking.....You just need to listen. And when I say listen I do not mean listen like you really do not care what they are saying and you wish they would hush up. No, I mean listen with your eyes, your ears and your body.
When you make a person feel like what they have to say is important, then they will be more likely to want to develop a relationship with you .
Tips on How to Listen Intensely
- When you are conversing with someone make sure that you are making frequent eye contact
- You should also make sure that your body is facing the person. If you are sitting down, you can lean forward to listen better
- Make sure that your eyes are not gazing at every moving object
- Do not interrupt the person while they are talking. If you have something to say you should make sure that the person has completely finished their thought.
The Misconception about Keeping Your Mouth Shut
Many people believe that when you keep your mouth shut and you do not voice what you really believe that you are admitting that you are wrong.... That is a BIG MISCONCEPTION
When you are conversing with someone who you disagree a great way to get along with them and show them that you value what they have to offer is by listening without offering what you considered to be the "BEST POSSIBLE SOLUTION" even if you do have the best possible solution.
When you are working on building a positive relationship with someone you may have to try a different approach in order to convince the person that your way is the better choice. If the opportunity does not present itself at the time of your conversation, wait until the opportunity does present itself and until then just listen.
More Useful Tips
What is Inner Peace